dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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