Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
