dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
