I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
