Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
