btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
