Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
