Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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