i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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