I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Randomize
