11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
