I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
