I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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