a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
