I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
