Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
