She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
