I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
