It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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