people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
