My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
