weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
