i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
