I got chris browned last night
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
