Where are you?
In a non slutty way
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
