glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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