I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
