I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
