i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
