im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
