All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
