ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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