I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
