Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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