I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
