nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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