you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
