I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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