there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
