god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
