M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I need water and some morals
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
