i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
