I hate your face
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
