Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
