if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
