I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
