People with herpes should wear stickers.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
