words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
