I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
