The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
