i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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