Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I can feel your judgement through the phone
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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