I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
